Accusations of a GHD dependancy and power faux tan dependence rock the Farmer Desires A Spouse cattle stations on Tuesday night time earlier than one woman is dubbed unsuitable as a spouse and mom by the choice committee of the native CWA.
Simply once we assume issues couldn’t get extra explosive, town woman battling diva allegations lies to all of the townsfolk and proclaims a love of spear fishing.
It’s all happenin’ on the market within the sticks.
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We start the day by whizzing our D-MAX ute over to Farmer Bert’s homestead the place we discover his harem of girls milling in regards to the hundred-year outdated kitchen. They’re getting ready a home-cooked meal for a particular lunch. Farmer Bert’s mates are the visitors of honour and can rank every member of the harem.
What’s on the menu?
“Ought to we do grated cheese?” one of many girls asks, whereas peering into the fridge.
Ah, sure. A bowl of grated cheese. Make sure that to comply with the recipe fastidiously within the Australian Girls’s Weekly cookbook.
A number of the girls have greater considerations.
“Karli’s gonna wrestle probably the most preparing. She’s at all times actually involved about what she seems like,” Caitlin sighs to us. “She places faux tan on each morning and straightens her hair earlier than she comes out of the bed room. She stresses out about her outfits. I do marvel if that’s the sort of individual Bert desires to be with – high-maintenance. My hope is Bert’s buddies get to see the actual aspect of Karli.”
We glance round to seek out Karli, however she’s nowhere in sight. Then we odor it: the unmistakeable scent of burning hair:
We pad into the toilet and discover Karli going hell for leather-based with the new tongs.
“I really feel robust in my reference to Bert,” she gushes to us over the whirr of the toilet exhaust fan. “I actually simply don’t wanna go away his aspect.”
Yeah, besides to marinade in faux tan whereas ironing your hair.
Anyway, producers giddily decide to the storyline of Karli’s GHD dependancy and ask her to say one thing imply about her unkempt nemesis Caitlin.
“Does he desire a mate who can hang around with the boys? Or somebody extra female? A woman,” Karli says.
Cue the B-roll footage of Caitlin rolling round in dust whereas grunting.
In the meantime, Farmer Todd’s girls are attending to know their grasp’s mates over lunch on the bowlo. The dialog turns to the breezy subject of Daisy’s Hollywood marriage — how she married a man solely months after assembly after which divorced even sooner.
“I’d wish to know she’s right here for love and never social media,” one in all Bert’s mates says as they collect to guage the ladies. “I used to be stunned by Daisy. I used to be pondering she’s a bit wild, fairly full on.”
One other chimes in with a query: “Do you get vibes of the ex?”
There’s a collective gasp.
“Sure I do! And that’s what put me off! And that’s not what we would like. We’ve been there and we don’t wanna return there! However that’s what he’s drawn to!”
They stage an intervention with Todd.
“We’re all a bit involved with regard to Daisy,” one of many buddies tells Todd. “I don’t really feel she’s the correct decide for you as a spouse and because the mom of your kids. I discover her very robust, feisty … (She) Has a masculine vibe.”
Masculine vibe? Huh. Seems like she’d get on with unkempt Caitlin.
We bounce within the D-MAX and hoon over to examine on Farmer Bert’s gathering. By the point we arrive, the bowl of grated cheese has been fully demolished. What a crowd-pleaser!
We spot Karli throughout the yard. Hey woman! Hair seems nice! Did you straighten it?
Caitlin’s miffed. She’s standing on the sidelines watching Karli mingle.
“I believe Karli’s behaviour is slightly bit completely different at the moment,” she snips. “It’s not as intense. I do really feel like Karli does change to be properly suited to Bert.”
What? Don’t be paranoid! Caitlin, you have to be dazed from sniffing the fumes of Karli’s faux tan. Karli is totally not placing on a bogus personalit-
“I’d like to go spear fishing!” Karli gushes to Bert’s buddies.
Karli! What are you pondering? You possibly can’t go spear fishing — ya hair will frizz!
Caitlin has no selection however to take issues into her personal palms. She corners Bert’s mates and promptly white-ants Karli.
“I contemplate myself easygoing — don’t care if I’ve make-up on,” she tells them earlier than exposing her enemy’s GHD dependancy. “However Karli at all times takes so lengthy to prepare — straightening her hair, doing her make-up. She has to place faux tan on each night time. And I don’t know if Bert likes that sort of individual or if he likes extra of a simple going sort of individual.”
Caitlin, it is a harmful recreation. Your nemesis is about to commerce sizzling tongs for a spear. Simply exchange her faux tan with satay sauce and name it a day.
Fb: @hellojamesweir
